Tomorrow is my 37th birthday, and I just know that this next year is going to be different. It's not just that I'm determined to make it different, it's more that it just will be; I can feel it. Is this a good thing? Yes, for me as this time, a resounding YES.
For some reason, my life has not gone according to plan, at all. I remember being in my 20's and thinking I had it all figured out, and that things would just happen the way I wanted them to. They had in large part been that way up to that point, where I of course had some things in life not go the way I wanted, but I still felt like the overall trajectory was where I wanted it. Then everything changed in my late 20's/early 30's - in both career and love life. I felt reborn, in a great way, that I was ready for the next chapter, but then somehow things just kind of stalled. It's now been the better part of a decade, and I don't feel like I'm any closer to the life I want than I was back then. To say this is extremely frustrating is an understatement. It's also disappointing, disheartening, and moreover, exhausting.
I'm not saying I don't appreciate all the good things I do have in my life, because I really do, it's just that there is more I want, more I've wanted for a long time, and I'm just plain sick and tired of waiting for it. So, in one of the lessons I've learned from my many years in gymnastics, sometimes you just need to make a change, any change, to get yourself out of the rut you're stuck in. The change doesn't need to even need to seem directly related to the correction you're trying to make, but just the act of a small change can wake you up to make other others.
So, for now, that change will be to blog. I've been saying for years that I wanted maintain a blog, and it's always fallen short on the priority list. That hasn't really changed per se, but it is something I have control over. I have been keeping a list of things I'd like to blog about, so all I really need to do is to just do it already. So here goes.
The following is a conversation I had with myself last week while I was out walking. It's not revolutionary, but when I heard it (in my head), spelled out in so many words, it distinctly changed my perspective on how I view all the struggles I've faced. Maybe it'll change your perspective too. I'd love to know if it does. :)
"Welcome the stumbles. Appreciate the mistakes, the accidents, the mess-ups, the trips and falls, and all the other unexpected things that happen and seem like a set-back at the time. Because this is where you live. This is where you learn who you are, and how you're capable of dealing with challenges. Things that go according to plan are rarely as interesting, let alone also teach you a life lesson. So love your life full of "things going wrong", because this is where you'll experience all the wonderful stuff - a new friend, an exciting job offer, a fun hobby, an amazing romance. Embrace those mishaps and catastrophes so that you don't miss out on enjoying life."